Alex P. Kitten here with the continuation of my handy advice on how to administer medication to your feline friends. Yesterday's post featured Part I, so if you haven't read that you might want to read that post before this one. Giving a feline medication can be a complicated process, that's why I decided to do a two part project on it. Because of the complexity, I decided to provide illustrations. So let's get started with Part II. So your vet has prescribed some tablet or capsule medication for your kitty "Itchy." It's time to give sweet itty bitty Itchy his/her first tablet; you've already done the steps described in Part I so what to you do now. Well, here is: -
How to Give a Cat a Pill
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down..
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Please don't forget the AHGRRS air-conditioner fund drive that we are hosting. We're at 75% of goal but need your ONE DOLLAR ($1.00) donation to help us reach our goal of $400.00
-- Alex (a.k.a. Big Al) and The Bumpass Hounds and Kitties