Friday, November 12, 2010

DATELINE: BUMPASS, VA - NORTH vs. SOUTH

STAND-UP BORU
The difference between the North and the South - clearly explained....at last:
Well, having been born and raised south of the Mason-Dixon line, I feel that I qualify to be quoted as a southern feline gentleman on the virtues of the area of the USA that once saw fit to seceed from the Union.  I would like to present you with the knowledge that there are distinct differences between the north and the south.  For instance:
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's


The North has double last names; the South has double first names.


The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .


The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.


The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .


The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .


The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .
_________________________________________

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .....

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call'em biscuits.



9 comments:

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Oh the snorgling I'd do to that last pikh!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Huffle Mawson said...

LOL that is very funny!

Maggie and Mitch said...

That was great! Mom thanks you for many, many smiles! She LOVES grits with butter and salt and pepper - yummmmmmmmmmmm

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Sam said...

Ha-ha! I married a northern boy that was in fact, a true southerner. Don't know how it happened, it just did.

Thanks for the morning laugh!

Sam

Mogley G. Retriever said...

YOu forgot to point out that you can always tell the rich people in the South. They have several old cars parked in the grass in front of their home. Those are the rich ones. They don't even have to trade in their old cars, they just park them out front and buy new ones.

Mogley G. Retriever

bbes tribe said...

Great post about the differences. Nver have heard it explained so well. The last pic was very cute!!We especially like the last piece about not calling them biscuits..LOL
WAGS
Ernie,Sasha,Chica

Tank said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are one funny cat Boru!

Sheila and Bob said...

Boru,

Our Mom & Dad are cracking up.
One thing you said is so true you have the Dollar Store and it is so great not to have to get all dressed up like when your going to a Wal-Mart or something. BOL

Hamish & Rescue Sophie

Gus said...

you forgot "all females of a 'certain age' shall be addresses as Ma'am, When you get to know the smaller ones really well, you can call them "l'il Mama."

FOR CHANCE, GORDON, HOMER, RADAR, SPENCER, CHANDLER, MAXDOG, LUKE & BLUE, AND SO MANY OTHERS.

National Canine Cancer Foundation

STEP UP TO ADOPT A PET

If you can, please consider opening your home to a homeless animal, preferably a dog or cat or other domesticated animal; livestock does better on farms and wild animals do better in zoos and parks. Your local Humane Society or SPCA or Animal Shelter has a wide selection of could be, should be, pets looking for new homes. If you can't adopt, perhaps you can at least become a sponsor. We'll show you how to help out Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue and Sanctuary (AHGRRS) on our blog page, but you can help out any organization of your choice, but please help; contribute or volunteer.
- The Bumpass Hounds and Kitties

PLEASE HELP SPONSOR A SENIOR OR SPECIAL NEEDS GOLDEN

CAN'T ADOPT; BECOME AN ANGEL.
So many Senior and Special Needs Goldens do not find "forever homes". Many of these dogs have above average medical needs and costs, are maintained on "special" diets, or have other extraordinary needs. Your donations can be targeted towards a particular Senior or Special needs Golden Retriever. As a sponsor, you will receive updates about your "special" Golden, and will be mentioned in our quarterly newsletter as the dog's sponsor. We also accept Paypal donations. Please keep in mind that we are a non-profit organization and that your donation is fully tax-deductible. Please just write the Golden's name in the memo line of your check or Paypal submission when sponsoring a Golden Retriever.

A MUST READ FOR THE IN-THE-KNOW CAT

A MUST READ FOR THE IN-THE-KNOW CAT
Recommended by Boru; what more need we say?

TAKE THE PLEDGE

Pledge to Fight Animal Cruelty

GORDON'S PHOTO ALBUM SLIDESHOW

Total Pageviews

BUMPASS HOUNDS PLAYLIST


Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones