Friday, February 11, 2011

LADY'S DAY WITH PATTI AND BORU


ALEX P.  KITTEN

Hey Hounders,
Alex here to act as the narrator for today's/tonight's performance. This post is dedicated to all the females in our audience.  First off, our newest and youngest canine lady, Ms. Patti Whackit is a topic of interest.  Today voting opens for the Mango Minster 2011 Insane Cracker Dog category, the polls will be open for voting for 32 hours we're told.  Don't know what the voting format will be since it changed after the first two categories from one format to another; duh!  We were able to vote when they had the vote button but we can't vote when you're required to leave a comment because "the system" won't allow us to leave a comment on the Mango Minster blog; so we can't even vote for our own candidate - that suxs.  Given how things went down in the Good Old Dog competition the votes will only be an influence on the Reader's Choice Award.  All of the award positions, 1st, 2nd and 3rd place, are evidently based entirely on the whims, likes and dislikes of the anointed  judge and the winners have probably already been decided based on whatever the selection criteria actually is.  The judge for the Insane Cracker Dog category is a Teacup Chihuahua named Twinkie Tiny.  Twinkie has her own dog blog which is pretty much dog orientated.  You can review our entry post for both Jubal and Patti Whackit by clicking here.  You can cast your vote for Patti at the Mango Minster web-page.

PATTI WHACKIT
We're not as enthusiastic about this voting as we were with Jubal's.  Whatever I did to screw up Jubal's entry I probably did with Patti's too.  I evidently missed the point and put too much emphasis on Reader vote influence.  Patti isn't a Teacup Chihuahua so we won't be getting any Honorable Mention points and we don't know the judge so no points there.  Whatever the influential criteria is, if we touched upon it it was strictly by accident.  Patti hasn't sent in any bribes although we did let the judge know that Max and Shiloh are very fond of Patti and don't like it when she's unhappy.  So we're pretty much depending on Patti's weirdness and crackerness to carry the contest, so we're probably SOL.  Hey it's just a social event so as us cats say, no use crying over spilled milk - what's done is done.  So on with the show.  We have a special treat for you.  By his own popular demand we are presenting that world renowned stand up comedian; the one and only Boogers Boru.  Brusy tells me that his performance repertoire tonight is primarily for the ladies.  So without further adieu let me present to you, the one, the only Boogers Boru.
BOOGERS BORU
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.  It's a pleasure to be here at The Bumpass Hounds and kitties blog.  I love performing here.  I love it so much in fact, it's the only venue that I play.  Yes, no kidding.  I limit my appearances to this blog exclusively.  How lucky can you be. Hey, by a show of hands, how many of you have seen my act before.  Boy that's disappointing.  I was reading The Bumpass herald yesterday and found an article about a recent study conducted out a Cal Berkley.  This is actually pretty alarming.  Seems that beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!  Hey guys, how frightening is that news?  Last month, Berkley scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. Yeah, that's true.  To test the theory, 100 male students each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.  It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:showed the following behavioral modifications:

- 1) Argued over nothing.

- 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
 
- 3) Gained weight.

- 4) Talked excessively without making sense.

- 5) Became overly emotional
 
- 6) Couldn't drive.

- 7) Failed to think rationally, and

- 8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!



Hey we all have some interesting family stories now don't we.  Take this as an example, our Uncle Bill and his wife Aunt Blanche went to the state fair every year, and every year Uncle Bill would say," Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."  Aunt Blanche always replied, " I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "  One year Uncle Bill and Aunt Blanche went to the fair, and Uncle Bill said," Blanche, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Aunt Blanche replied, " Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."  Uncle Bill and Aunt Blanche agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks, but still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Uncle Bill and said, "By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "  Uncle Bill replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"



BORU
And here's one last story before I crawl back to my liter-box.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time!  I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed off if it's not ready on time."  When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.  With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf.  She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.  To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?"  Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified.  "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed!?
Two months later, her husband died.  The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his butt."


Thank you, thank you very much.  Ladies and gentlemen, Boru has left the building.

********************************
HELP!

WE NEED SOMEBODY, NOT JUST ANYBODY
WE'RE LOSING BADLY - PLEASE HELP US

YOU KNOW WE NEED SOMEONE
WON'T YOU PLEASE, 
PLEASE HELP ME?
HELP ME, HELP ME.


THE AHGRRS RESCUE WAGON
PLEASE DON"T FORGET TO VOTE IN THE ANIMAL RESCUE SITE'S SHELTER CHALLENGE  AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN EVERY DAY; EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIVE IN CHICAGO.

WE DESPERATELY NEED YOUR VOTE TODAY, WE ARE STARTING TO CLOSE THE GAP ON #1 IN WV 

THANK YA'LL FOR YOUR VOTE 

If you try to leave a comment on our blog but are unable to, please drop us a line at:

bumpasshounds@hughes.net 
so that we know we have a problem and can try to fix it.  

=======================

PLEASE VOTE FOR AHGRRS


The above link will take you to the Animal Rescue Site where you will get to click to donate a free bowl of food to homeless animals. After you do that you will be presented with a "Thank You" page; at the top center of that page please click on the "VOTE TODAY" button. That will then take you directly to the voting page. The only information that you need to enter is to select "WV" as the State from the drop down menu and enter "Capon" for the City. Then click on "Search." The page will then do its' thing and will end up showing "Almost heaven Golden Retriever Rescue & Sanctuary, Inc. Capon Bridge, WV 26714." A "VOTE" button will also appear. Click on that "VOTE" button. After you vote you will see a confirmation page that requires you to identify an animal photo; this eliminates illegal machine voting. The answer is simply the type of animal that you see; dog, cat, turtle, fish, cow, etc. - not a specific breed. You can cast one vote everyday from as many different computers to which you have access. Actually, you can vote in the early morning and then again in the evening; you can also vote from different browser such as MS-Explorer, Yahoo, Firefox and Google Chrome. Voting will run for 10 weeks.  You can have the Animal Rescue Site send you a daily reminder to "click" for free food; then you can vote in the All-Star Shelter Challenge. The more friends you can rally to vote the better our chances of winning. Every vote, every day, every computer - counts. 
In the West Virginia state competition, as of 2/11/2011, AHGRRS is in 2nd place but finally starting to close the gap a bit. We can get back to #1 again over a few days if ya'll don't give up your effort---- VOTE  We've got 17.52% of the WV vote today, up from yesterday when we had 17.41% ;  #1 has 24.93% and yesterday they had 24.62%.  There's now a 7.41% gap (7.21% yesterday) which we, hopefully, can close in with just a week of heavy voting. We're now at #115 nationally; yesterday we were #117.  The WV #1 shelter is at #64 nationally (yesterday #61); now 51 spots ahead of us; it was 53 spots ahead of us yesterday. We are truly appreciative of your voting efforts on our behalf.  Please, let's keep up the surge.
 
PLEASE CONTINUE TO HELP
VOTE
AND PLEASE TRY YOUR DARNEDEST TO GET OTHERS, FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS, TO ALSO VOTE

7 comments:

Sheila and Bob said...

Boru, you crack us up....BOL....BOL....BOL


Hamish & Sophie

Huffle Mawson said...

I don't really get the new voting system. But I promised I voted for Jubal.

Gus said...

Boru...you are the only comedian who makes the muzzer laugh.

Maybe that is why you only work at the Bumpass Club and Lounge.

Gussie

Homer said...

Boru! We didn't you have a great sense of humour! That was a funny post and thanks for sharing!

Love,
Homer

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Boru ... More Woofs. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

3 doxies said...

Bwhahahahahahahahaha...OMD, dat was some good comedian work...and I is a girl so I should knows.

Puddles

browndogcbr said...

Hi Y'all!

BOL!!!

Y'all come by now,
Hawk aka BrownDog

FOR CHANCE, GORDON, HOMER, RADAR, SPENCER, CHANDLER, MAXDOG, LUKE & BLUE, AND SO MANY OTHERS.

National Canine Cancer Foundation

STEP UP TO ADOPT A PET

If you can, please consider opening your home to a homeless animal, preferably a dog or cat or other domesticated animal; livestock does better on farms and wild animals do better in zoos and parks. Your local Humane Society or SPCA or Animal Shelter has a wide selection of could be, should be, pets looking for new homes. If you can't adopt, perhaps you can at least become a sponsor. We'll show you how to help out Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue and Sanctuary (AHGRRS) on our blog page, but you can help out any organization of your choice, but please help; contribute or volunteer.
- The Bumpass Hounds and Kitties

PLEASE HELP SPONSOR A SENIOR OR SPECIAL NEEDS GOLDEN

CAN'T ADOPT; BECOME AN ANGEL.
So many Senior and Special Needs Goldens do not find "forever homes". Many of these dogs have above average medical needs and costs, are maintained on "special" diets, or have other extraordinary needs. Your donations can be targeted towards a particular Senior or Special needs Golden Retriever. As a sponsor, you will receive updates about your "special" Golden, and will be mentioned in our quarterly newsletter as the dog's sponsor. We also accept Paypal donations. Please keep in mind that we are a non-profit organization and that your donation is fully tax-deductible. Please just write the Golden's name in the memo line of your check or Paypal submission when sponsoring a Golden Retriever.

A MUST READ FOR THE IN-THE-KNOW CAT

A MUST READ FOR THE IN-THE-KNOW CAT
Recommended by Boru; what more need we say?

TAKE THE PLEDGE

Pledge to Fight Animal Cruelty

GORDON'S PHOTO ALBUM SLIDESHOW

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