Wednesday, January 11, 2012

HOMER'S SAGE ADVICE

I've been looking back over my time here.  I came to be a Bumpass Hound in November of 2007, about 3 months after a predecessor dog named Chance left here to go to The Rainbow Bridge.  This is a blog I did in January 2009.  OBTW, please don't forget to click on The Animal Rescue Site logo at the top of the right side bar to donate a free bowl of food to homeless animals and then to vote for Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue & Sanctuary in the Shelter Challenge.  At the end I mention Spencer; he is a blog buddy and honorable Bumpass Hound that went to The Rainbow Bridge.  Spencer and Chance are probably bounding through the fields chasing tennis balls.  Spencer could carry 3 of them around in his jowels.

Hey Hounders,
Our friend Mogley is a wise dog who likes to philosophize at times. I am a bit older than Mogley and have seen a great many things throughout my adventurous life. I know which side of my bread is buttered; usually the top. The importance of dogs on the history of the human species cannot be over stated. The influence of dogs on human history has been immense. As the wise old sage of The Bumpass Hounds, I too am a Fullofitser. I realize the responsibility that I have to insure the continuing influence of canines on their peaceful coexistence with mankind. In that vein, I must share some observations that will indubitably benefit all of mankind; perhaps bring peace to the world. So here is some insightful, and useful, advice for you ...feel free to share my thoughts with your friends and enemies alike.

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape.

7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

9. Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Well, those are my words of wisdom for today. Perhaps I will again share the wisdom of the canine observers world with the less evolved species; then again, maybe not. If you have any wisdom to contribute to the world, please leave a comment and I will gladly publish your wisdom in a future ramblin'. No cuss words allowed since youngster sometimes read my rantings. Please don't discuss the 3 things that southern gentlemen, such as myself, never discuss in public: sex, politics and religion - someone is bound to have a differing opinion on any one or all of those things. As Spencer always sez:"Wags"
- Homer J. Bumpass of The Bumpass Hounds

3 comments:

Sheila and Bob said...

Homer,
Your advice is something that only comes from vast experience, which you have.
Thank you for sharing this information with all of us.
God Bless Homer.

Hamish & Sophie

chicamom85 said...

Pawsome advice. My Mom and I always go the animal site everyday and now we are also voting for your shelter. Mom likes to shop there too and sometimes I even get stuff.

licks and sniffs, Sasha

Brandon - The dog with a blog said...

OMD, you give such amazing advice!
Thanks fur sharing :)

-Brandon

FOR CHANCE, GORDON, HOMER, RADAR, SPENCER, CHANDLER, MAXDOG, LUKE & BLUE, AND SO MANY OTHERS.

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If you can, please consider opening your home to a homeless animal, preferably a dog or cat or other domesticated animal; livestock does better on farms and wild animals do better in zoos and parks. Your local Humane Society or SPCA or Animal Shelter has a wide selection of could be, should be, pets looking for new homes. If you can't adopt, perhaps you can at least become a sponsor. We'll show you how to help out Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue and Sanctuary (AHGRRS) on our blog page, but you can help out any organization of your choice, but please help; contribute or volunteer.
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