Thursday, March 1, 2012

STAND-UP BORU

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE GIVE A WARM BUMPASS WELCOME AND ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO OUR FAVORITE COMEDIC CAT...
BOOGERS BORU!



Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you very much.  So Howdy Hounders. How y'all been.  I just got off duty from my shift as a Bumpass 911 Dispatcher.  It was a a typical Bumpass evening with a typical bunch of calls from the local Bumpassites.  Just stop and think about how stupid the average person is; and then realize 50% of them are stupider than that.   Here's proof; this is a selection of some of tonights calls that I had to deal with:

Believe it or not ,
These are real 911 Calls!


Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bath room, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart !
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.__,_._,___

See what I mean.  Hope y'all are A-OK.

BORU (TBH+K)


HELP MS. TESS FIGHT BREAST CANCER.
SHE'S PARTICIPATING IN THE AVON-WALK-FOR-LIFE WALK-A-THON AND YOU CAN LEND HER SOME SUPPORT.
Thanks to millions of Avon Walk participants, more than $740 million has been raised and donated to breast cancer programs around the world since 2003, supporting research to find a cure or prevention, as well as programs that enable all patients to access quality care. Support for the medically underserved is a key priority — including low-income, elderly and minority individuals, and those who are under-insured.

NO DONATION IS TOO SMALL
PLEASE HELP

1 comment:

Sheila and Bob said...

Our Dad being a retired Police officer, said that is exactly what some of the 911 calls are. You would think they are made up but they are not.....and they call us DUMB animals, we laugh at that !!!!!
Bol!!!


Hamish & Sophie

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